I Think I Fell Down the Rabbit Hole

It’s such a long story and I thought I had to tell it all at once.  It’s been a long time and it’s a long story, so I’m going to take my time.  I hardly know where to begin.

I have been very sick this past year, the pancreatitis and the gastroparesis have been horrific.  My weight dropped, I still vomit constantly quickly become dehydrated and as a consequence my diabetes becomes very hard to control and I find myself in DKA.

Sarah spent the night at home in April and found me in septic shock the next morning.  This was a Friday and except for getting into the ambulance I don’t remember anything until Sunday.  This is what I’ve been told.  My temperature was 94, I was in acute kidney failure.  I had a GI bleed so I was getting blood transfusions and I think my blood pressure was 80/50.   The first thing I remember is hearing the doctor tell me they almost lost me.

Rudy went home to grab a bite a come back and the doctor called and told him to hurry back.  I didn’t know I was so sick.  My usual symptoms weren’t there.  I wasn’t vomiting but I do remember Sarah coming in my room all night and telling me I was sick.

Since November of last year I have been admitted to the hospital at least every month, several times I’d only been home for a few days when I would have to go right back in.  While I was in the hospital Rudy and Sarah moved me to the downstairs bedroom because I started randomly passing out.  Probably a good decision but I loved my huge bedroom upstairs and hate being downstairs.

For a while, I truly thought I was dying and perhaps I was.  I was also starting to feel ready to go.  Turns out I’m a lot tougher than I ever gave myself credit for.



    It’s been a rough couple of weeks.  Rudy had to take me to the ER four times I think, and I was admitted twice.  I simply could not stop vomiting.  The phenergan doesn’t seem to be working as well as it did.  In fact one doctor gave me a shot of Thorazine, that knocked me out for a good 6 hours.  As soon as I woke up though I was still  throwing up.

     I could go into ketoacidosis very easily, fortunately I never got to that point.  The gastroparesis has gotten really bad even though my glucose readings are good. 

     I had to have some minor surgery, I was discharged the same day and damned if I wasn’t back in the hospital the next day.  I have to follow up with a gastroenterologist. 

    What scared my husband is that I went over a week without eating anything.  Chicken water and jello doesn’t count.  He’s watching me lose more and more weight and it really does bother him.

     On the other hand I’m feeling much better now and I’m looking forward to spending time with him.

     I found out more things from my hospitalization in March when I was on the ventilator.  My nurse told me I was septic and the reason I was so combative was that I wasn’t breathing.  That’s not what was in my head though.  In my head I just wanted them to slow down and tell me what they were doing.  evidently there was no time for that.  I’m still having some anxiety over all that, but it is getting better.

     I’m looking forward to this week with my husband, thanks for listening.

My Apologies

     I’ve never gone this long without a post and I’m not sure I know why.  Getting through the holidays was hard for me this year.  Four months later and I’m still struggling with the loss of my best friend, Michelle.  I’m feeling mired in the mud and the muck of depression.

     I ended up right back in the hospital only a week after my last discharge.  I had a pancreatitis flare up that was as bad as it gets.  I was vomiting constantly for well over 2 days and I hardly had the energy to actually get up and go to the hospital.  Rudy kept telling me I needed to go, and for some reason when I’m that sick, my mind is telling me I’m not that sick.  It got really bad this time.  In fact while Rudy was at work, something in me finally told me I needed to get to the hospital RIGHT NOW.  I actually called him at work and told him I was going to call an ambulance.  Out of nowhere a feeling of impending doom came over me.  I thought I was going to die.

     In the morning my blood sugars were 148, a little high but I chose not to take an insulin injection due to not being able to keep anything down if they were to go too low.  When I checked again they were at 248, so I gave myself 3 units.  It was an hour later that I called Rudy and he came home immediately to take me.  When they drew my labs my blood sugars were just over 900!  I couldn’t believe they had gone that high, that fast.  One of my enzymes, I forget which were supposed to be in the 200 range were 1200, and even the next day instead of going lower went higher to 1500.

     As soon as the nausea and vomiting were under control I was starving.  I think at that point it had been 3 days that I hadn’t eaten.  Of course with the pancreatitis one of the treatments is complete rest of the digestive system.  I also had an infection somewhere because my wbc (white blood count)  was pretty high as well.  By day 3 in ICU my numbers were back to normal.

     I guess I’ve been getting pretty discouraged that I don’t seem to be able to have any control over my health or what my body decides to itself.

     I feel spent emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason why this pancreatitis flares up.  It seems to be out of nowhere.  Looking back I believe it was God that gave me the feeling of impending doom, given all my numbers Rudy and I both were surprised I was still conscious, and we do believe that if he had not gotten me to the hospital as quickly as he did that I might not have been alive had we waited until he got home from work.

     I’m going to spend more time in prayer and try to turn my perspective around.  I like me a lot better when I have a more positive frame of mind.  I do believe my emotions and mental state has a lot to do with my health.  I should have written sooner.  Won’t let that happen again.  Love to all, thanks for reading and as always comments are welcome and appreciated.

The Coma, or How I spent Easter

Sick people in the hospital should not be allowed on the internet.  I have alot of emails to explain.

     I wrote this soon after I came home from the hospital.  Instead of retyping, I thought I’d just let this post stand as is.  I knew I was sick the night before, but I thought I was throwing up diet Pepsi.  I didn’t know it was blood.

  Rudy tried to wake me up about 9am Easter morning and I was completely unresponsive.  I had not been feeling well the night before.  Rudy called 911 and they got me to the hospital in Starke by 10.  At 1 that morning they called Rudy back in to sign transfer papers, they said I was dying.

I don’t remember anything until Wednesday when I became aware that I was in a hospital in an ICU Bed.  They told me my blood sugars were in the 1100 range and that I had been in a diabetic coma.  They were also treating me for pneumonia, pancreatitis, and that my blood pressure was 40/20.  In addition to my port they were also running in whole blood through IV.

The theory is that the celebrex I was taking for my shoulder had given my a GI Bleed.

I got home from Laporte hospital on Saturday, and did spend the night in Pulaski Hospital Tuesday for some lung treatments and pain control and I got home last night.  I am completely in official freakout mode and I feel like I’m in the middle of a mental mind fuck, pardon the term.

I don’t know what I would have done without the support and great love of my friends and family.  Angie and Lisa called every day, I think Michelle was on the phone to the ICU nurses every other hour.  Howie, Janet who fed me.  Kevin, who I almost have talked into dying my hair for me this weekend. Bill who asked Rudy about me daily and last but not least Sara and my husband Rudy who both give so much to me and only ask that I love them in return, and I do…very much.   I have the most loyal and kind friends and family who would do anything for me, I need only ask.  I don’t want to forget Rudy’s mom who will frequently listen to the ravings of this crazy woman.

I can’t forget Tommy and Heather…Tommy who called me in the hospital even though as he puts it it breaks his heart and Heather who promised to get me the hell out of here for a couple of weeks.  I love all of you and I’m humbled by your love for me.

I promise that I am going to take better care of myself and I am going to get better.

     As for the emails I had to explain:  I felt lost in the hospital, scared to death even, because I was in ICU I had no phone in my room and no one thought to tell my that my husband was calling hourly to check on me.  I was so confused I felt abondoned enough to email my sister and let he know I was going to become a lesbian and move in with her in Kentucky.  It was a good plan except for the part where I’m not actually a lesbian.  I just thought since it was working out so well for her that I could give it a try.  To her credit, she did remind me that my plan would have never worked given that I’m not actually a lesbian.  Months later, I can actually see where she had a point.