I Think I Fell Down the Rabbit Hole


It’s such a long story and I thought I had to tell it all at once.  It’s been a long time and it’s a long story, so I’m going to take my time.  I hardly know where to begin.

I have been very sick this past year, the pancreatitis and the gastroparesis have been horrific.  My weight dropped, I still vomit constantly quickly become dehydrated and as a consequence my diabetes becomes very hard to control and I find myself in DKA.

Sarah spent the night at home in April and found me in septic shock the next morning.  This was a Friday and except for getting into the ambulance I don’t remember anything until Sunday.  This is what I’ve been told.  My temperature was 94, I was in acute kidney failure.  I had a GI bleed so I was getting blood transfusions and I think my blood pressure was 80/50.   The first thing I remember is hearing the doctor tell me they almost lost me.

Rudy went home to grab a bite a come back and the doctor called and told him to hurry back.  I didn’t know I was so sick.  My usual symptoms weren’t there.  I wasn’t vomiting but I do remember Sarah coming in my room all night and telling me I was sick.

Since November of last year I have been admitted to the hospital at least every month, several times I’d only been home for a few days when I would have to go right back in.  While I was in the hospital Rudy and Sarah moved me to the downstairs bedroom because I started randomly passing out.  Probably a good decision but I loved my huge bedroom upstairs and hate being downstairs.

For a while, I truly thought I was dying and perhaps I was.  I was also starting to feel ready to go.  Turns out I’m a lot tougher than I ever gave myself credit for.

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