Pain is Consuming Me


     I have had the worst week.  This is NOT how I want to live my life.  My back is on fire and it’s getting me angry.  I feel like I’m fighting to have some grace and I’m losing the battle this week, it’s hard not to get discouraged.  My pain has been out of control and I just haven’t been able to get a grip on it.

     I’ve been putting off getting surgery for my 3 herniated discs, I’m so tired of it, and frankly this one scares me.  However, this morning my left leg was completely paralyzed for several hours then I spent several more hours with the worst pins and needles.  It was hard not to cry out loud and I’m ashamed to say I didn’t succeed.  The dilaudid is finally kicking in and I’m starting to feel some relief.

     So this morning I went ahead and made the appointment with the neurosurgeon, I feel like I’m at the end of the road and I just can’t live this way any longer.  I think I’m indulging in some self-pity today and I’m praying for God’s grace to help me get through this.

     I miss Michelle so much, I have to believe that depression must be part of why I’m going through such a hard time with my pain.  Never pass the opportunity to tell someone you love them.  I’m glad I did that with Michelle.

One Ballsy Ass Nurse! What a rush!


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     Check this out, I find myself in the ER Wed. afternoon, my 2nd night in a row.  I bet now that Doctor on Tues., wishes he would have just admitted me.  I was throwing up for the 2nd day in a row and to say that getting IV access or a blood draw was going to pose a challenge would be a clear understatement.

     What I can only hope is the varsity team comes in 3 sticks and nothing but a blown skinny-ass vein to show for her efforts.  3 sticks for the next person and the lab tech made a valiant effort getting a blood draw, but he too came up empty.  Now the doctor was in there ordering phenergan and dilaudid as soon as they get a line in and the next 6 tries were made on my feet.  Even with “juicy” looking veins there,  it wasn’t going to happen.

     If you’re keeping count we’re up to 15 sticks so far.  The next nurse wasn’t messing around.  She assessed the situation, quickly put me in trendellenburg position grabbed a 18 gauge catheter and proceeded to get jugular access.  Wow did that hurt!   I swear the doctor was looking on this whole thing nervously and I remember her asking the nurse if she didn’t want to save that move for a last resort, and the nurse told her “We’re there.”  

     I was nervous as hell, wow.  Without a doubt the most painful IV ever.  Believe me the phenergan and dilaudid were well received.  I might add deserved.  I was glad it was over, impressed as hell with a new respect for this particular nurse.  We actually do our patient satisfaction surveys on a laptop while we wait for our ER disposition and I was more than happy to point her out as someone in particular who had helped me out.

     I have a new port now.  Thank God