My Apologies


     I’ve never gone this long without a post and I’m not sure I know why.  Getting through the holidays was hard for me this year.  Four months later and I’m still struggling with the loss of my best friend, Michelle.  I’m feeling mired in the mud and the muck of depression.

     I ended up right back in the hospital only a week after my last discharge.  I had a pancreatitis flare up that was as bad as it gets.  I was vomiting constantly for well over 2 days and I hardly had the energy to actually get up and go to the hospital.  Rudy kept telling me I needed to go, and for some reason when I’m that sick, my mind is telling me I’m not that sick.  It got really bad this time.  In fact while Rudy was at work, something in me finally told me I needed to get to the hospital RIGHT NOW.  I actually called him at work and told him I was going to call an ambulance.  Out of nowhere a feeling of impending doom came over me.  I thought I was going to die.

     In the morning my blood sugars were 148, a little high but I chose not to take an insulin injection due to not being able to keep anything down if they were to go too low.  When I checked again they were at 248, so I gave myself 3 units.  It was an hour later that I called Rudy and he came home immediately to take me.  When they drew my labs my blood sugars were just over 900!  I couldn’t believe they had gone that high, that fast.  One of my enzymes, I forget which were supposed to be in the 200 range were 1200, and even the next day instead of going lower went higher to 1500.

     As soon as the nausea and vomiting were under control I was starving.  I think at that point it had been 3 days that I hadn’t eaten.  Of course with the pancreatitis one of the treatments is complete rest of the digestive system.  I also had an infection somewhere because my wbc (white blood count)  was pretty high as well.  By day 3 in ICU my numbers were back to normal.

     I guess I’ve been getting pretty discouraged that I don’t seem to be able to have any control over my health or what my body decides to itself.

     I feel spent emotionally, physically, and spiritually.  There seems to be no rhyme or reason why this pancreatitis flares up.  It seems to be out of nowhere.  Looking back I believe it was God that gave me the feeling of impending doom, given all my numbers Rudy and I both were surprised I was still conscious, and we do believe that if he had not gotten me to the hospital as quickly as he did that I might not have been alive had we waited until he got home from work.

     I’m going to spend more time in prayer and try to turn my perspective around.  I like me a lot better when I have a more positive frame of mind.  I do believe my emotions and mental state has a lot to do with my health.  I should have written sooner.  Won’t let that happen again.  Love to all, thanks for reading and as always comments are welcome and appreciated.

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4 thoughts on “My Apologies

  1. Sounds like you have really had a hard time. Nearly five years ago I suffered a pancreatitis flareup like you’re describing only my symptons were more like a heart attack which left little doubt about going to the hospital. Yes, complete rest of digestive system for 6 days. Due to other problems, my doctors had been testing my gall bladder for 6 months finding no problems. At the point of the pancreatitis my surgeon said you either have a drinking problem (hadn’t had a drop of alcohol in 20 years) or your gall bladder is bad. More tests .. still found nothing. But six days later they took my gall bladder out … my surgeon said it was one of the worse gall bladders she had seen … it was filled with sludge … think sand instead of stone. All the test look for gall stones.

    Like you I too sense God prompting me to more prayer this year.

    May you be blessed IN Christ Jesus and His eternal love!

    Bernie

    • I really don’t drink either Bernie, maybe a little Bailey’s Irish Cream in my coffee once in a great while, but with pancreatits it’s always the first assumption. Mine is chronic, the working theory is damage from the type 1 diabetes. Either way it sure is nice to hear from someone who has also suffered from it, difficult to explain how painful it is to those who haven’t and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.

  2. It truely is a blessing to have Rudy in my life, An answer to a prayer I didn’t even know I needed at the time. I’ve never had somebody have my back the way Rudy has mine, and being a caretaker is surely not the easiest thing. Last thing I would ever wanted is to be a burden and thank Jesus that Rudy never makes me feel like one. What did we ever do to deserve what we have?

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