Pain is Consuming Me

     I have had the worst week.  This is NOT how I want to live my life.  My back is on fire and it’s getting me angry.  I feel like I’m fighting to have some grace and I’m losing the battle this week, it’s hard not to get discouraged.  My pain has been out of control and I just haven’t been able to get a grip on it.

     I’ve been putting off getting surgery for my 3 herniated discs, I’m so tired of it, and frankly this one scares me.  However, this morning my left leg was completely paralyzed for several hours then I spent several more hours with the worst pins and needles.  It was hard not to cry out loud and I’m ashamed to say I didn’t succeed.  The dilaudid is finally kicking in and I’m starting to feel some relief.

     So this morning I went ahead and made the appointment with the neurosurgeon, I feel like I’m at the end of the road and I just can’t live this way any longer.  I think I’m indulging in some self-pity today and I’m praying for God’s grace to help me get through this.

     I miss Michelle so much, I have to believe that depression must be part of why I’m going through such a hard time with my pain.  Never pass the opportunity to tell someone you love them.  I’m glad I did that with Michelle.


2 thoughts on “Pain is Consuming Me

  1. Aww hun, I am sorry you are having a bad week. With all the crap you have gone thru, I think you are deserving of a pitty party. I think Joanie would even agree! So go ahead and rant and complain and swear and cry and curse God. It’s ok every now and then.
    I love you and wish I could be there to help you.
    Love you bunches!

  2. Thanks so much Shelly for your understanding. I just don’t like feeling this way and I’m trying to get my mojo back, I’m dreading more surgery. I want to see you so badly and meet your family. I think about you every day and I love you too. Did you get the link I sent you for that song?

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