I have had the worst week. This is NOT how I want to live my life. My back is on fire and it’s getting me angry. I feel like I’m fighting to have some grace and I’m losing the battle this week, it’s hard not to get discouraged. My pain has been out of control and I just haven’t been able to get a grip on it.
I’ve been putting off getting surgery for my 3 herniated discs, I’m so tired of it, and frankly this one scares me. However, this morning my left leg was completely paralyzed for several hours then I spent several more hours with the worst pins and needles. It was hard not to cry out loud and I’m ashamed to say I didn’t succeed. The dilaudid is finally kicking in and I’m starting to feel some relief.
So this morning I went ahead and made the appointment with the neurosurgeon, I feel like I’m at the end of the road and I just can’t live this way any longer. I think I’m indulging in some self-pity today and I’m praying for God’s grace to help me get through this.
I miss Michelle so much, I have to believe that depression must be part of why I’m going through such a hard time with my pain. Never pass the opportunity to tell someone you love them. I’m glad I did that with Michelle.