Runaway Patient


A typical peripherally inserted central cathet...

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     I was in a bigger hospital several years ago.  Transferred due to hospital acquired MRSA after having my colostomy reversed.  I was on a morphine pain pump and was feeling pretty good.  I have the pain pump in one arm and vanco in the other, so I had 2 IV stands.

     Somehow, I got it in my head that I needed to go outside for some fresh air and my plan was to pop outside for a few and then come right back.  I grab my IV poles and headed for the elevator.  It never occurred to me that my gown was exposing my ass with no hand available to hold it closed, and I didn’t bother to check it the elevator was going up or down.  I do know that when I stepped off I wasn’t in the lobby and felt lost.  As I’m wandering around the unknown floor, big -bad-assed security guard tells me that there is an alert out for me and he was there to escort me back to my room.  When we get there a nurse decided to check my pain pump and discovered I was getting twice as much as I was supposed to be.

     I was discharged a few days later with a picc line for at home antibiotics, and instructions to come back in a week for a ct-scan.  When I returned for the scan it was a beautiful day, they were running behind so I decided to sit outside until they were ready for me.  The very same security guard whom I only vaguely remembered, spotted me with my picc line and thought I was a run away patient again.  It was only after he got on his radio and confirmed that I was not an inpatient that he let me go.  It was funny as hell and I’m glad that I remembered this.

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4 thoughts on “Runaway Patient

  1. Dr David, for some reason your blog won’t let me post a comment, so I’m going to do it here.
    My husband is 51, I’ve been encouraging him to get a prostate exam. You would think I was suggesting we drive a train up his penis.
    As women we have more people coming in and out of us than a bus station
    Now I have to go read a blog dedicated to this prostate.

    As for the spunk, polite people are starting to whisper when I come into a room, the word I’ve head bandied about is “eccentric.”

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