I was in a bigger hospital several years ago. Transferred due to hospital acquired MRSA after having my colostomy reversed. I was on a morphine pain pump and was feeling pretty good. I have the pain pump in one arm and vanco in the other, so I had 2 IV stands.
Somehow, I got it in my head that I needed to go outside for some fresh air and my plan was to pop outside for a few and then come right back. I grab my IV poles and headed for the elevator. It never occurred to me that my gown was exposing my ass with no hand available to hold it closed, and I didn’t bother to check it the elevator was going up or down. I do know that when I stepped off I wasn’t in the lobby and felt lost. As I’m wandering around the unknown floor, big -bad-assed security guard tells me that there is an alert out for me and he was there to escort me back to my room. When we get there a nurse decided to check my pain pump and discovered I was getting twice as much as I was supposed to be.
I was discharged a few days later with a picc line for at home antibiotics, and instructions to come back in a week for a ct-scan. When I returned for the scan it was a beautiful day, they were running behind so I decided to sit outside until they were ready for me. The very same security guard whom I only vaguely remembered, spotted me with my picc line and thought I was a run away patient again. It was only after he got on his radio and confirmed that I was not an inpatient that he let me go. It was funny as hell and I’m glad that I remembered this.